Tomorrow my older daughter heads out to Kindergarten. She has mainly been extremely excited – she can’t wait to ride the bus and buy her lunch in the cafeteria. I’m mostly excited for her, too. She is more outgoing than me times about 10 and she loves meeting new people and going new places. She also loves learning, so I have no doubt that she will have a great year. However, it also starts another new step in her independence. She will be on her own for most of the day and I won’t be there to see. Over the past year I feel like she has already taken this step personality-wise. Some days I look at her and see very little of myself! She has developed her own likes, dislikes, silly voices, and mannerisms. Some days, that’s when I grab my younger daughter, my mini-me, and hold her tighter. Most days I just ask the big girl more questions so I can keep up with knowing her as well as I did the day before.
I can’t tell you where I read it (horrible citation, I know), but someone wrote that parenting is about learning to let go a little bit every day. Kids are constantly growing up and away from our protective hold on them. Growing up works best when we gradually give them a little more independence each day, both for them and for ourselves. I know I can get really nostalgic and when the moment hits, I will fall to pieces thinking about the bygone days of tiny onesies, that adorable way she used to say Spiderman when she was 2, or just sad that I can’t remember an exact memory from something she did as a 3 year old. I have to say a prayer and move forward with life. I have to live in the moment or else I’ll miss something else.
Recently I had the opportunity and pleasure to lead a women’s retreat for a small group of ladies at my church. Our theme was “A Very Mary Weekend.” I wanted to research the many Marys of the New Testament and see what their lives and experiences with Christ could teach us about our own. I enjoyed learning about each Mary, but the one that touched me the most was the mother of Jesus. I found a great book entitled “The Real Mary” by Scot McKnight. McKnight walks us through Mary’s life from the time she hears from the angel Gabriel to her days working with the early church after Christ’s death. He described Mary’s transformation as her understanding of what Israel’s Messiah would look like changed as she watched her son grow up and eventually die. We can tell from the Magnificat that Mary expected a political Messiah that would help the people of Israel gain their independence from the Roman government. We can tell from the wedding at Cana that Mary expected Jesus to obey and follow her directions as any good Jewish boy would. However, as a mother, Mary would have to learn to let go. She would have to let go of her specific ideas of what the Messiah should be and do and hold on to the idea that he would bring peace and justice in his own way. She would have to let go of the idea of her son following her and hold on to the love she had for him and allow that love to humble her to follow him.
Like Mary, we have to learn to let go and hold on in many areas of our lives. In our relationships with others, we have to make room for our friends to grow and change. We have to make choices about holding on to the friendship or letting go of expectations about who and what that person should be or do. As parents, we have to “hold on” to our kids in such a way as to assure them that we will always be there for them. We have to hold on to standards we set for them and for their behavior. As the timing is right we also have to let go and let them be who they are, even if that’s different from us. This is symbolized as we reach milestones with them, but it happens every day. And I’m sure that I have much, much more to learn about this as my children grow. In our faith, holding on and letting go is a careful act of discernment. Mary’s ideas about God shifted as she witnessed Christ’s ministry on earth. Where have my ideas about God strayed from who God truly is? Where has some outside influence shifted my beliefs? Our community of faith helps guide us through these shifts and helps us discern the right path.
In the morning, I will hold my sweet girl tightly. Then I will let her go climb those big steps onto the big yellow bus. And as the tears flow, I will hold on tightly to the God who loves me more than I love her. The God who entrusted her to me and her dad to take care of in the first place and who will continue to be with us as we raise her. The God who simultaneously holds each of us and lets each of us go our own way whether that is close or far from God. May God be with each of you in whatever areas of life you are holding on and letting go in these days.
A Day with Grace & Hope 